Remove the "Unknown" In Dating

Fear of the "unknown" in dating seems to be one of the more reported difficulties, fears surrounding dating.

Understandable. You don't really know what thay like, don't like, value, don't value. You don't really know the environments they like. You don't know their strengths. Don't know their weaknesses. 

When we date online or date period there is much we do not know as we go into the dating situation.

What if that could be radically reversed?

What if there was a way that would give you a strong idea, going into the date, before the very first date, of what they prefer on several levels.

What if you knew ahead of time how they speak, how they view the world around them, how they reason, how they prefer to manage their every waking moment, what if?

Wouldn't that kind of pre-knowledge reduce a great amount of the "unknown" about the date?

If you had a pretty good idea of what they value, what they like, what they fear, at least in general, wouldn't that provide a more positive expectation of what a date with them might be like?

Then if the prospect was more negative than positive, why date them to begin with?

Well, this kind of pre-knowledge is possible. I've been telling people about it for over 35 years now. What is it?

It is a knowledge of your instinctive personality type. 

When you now your type and even a modest understanding of what your type is about, and you know the personality type of the person you are considering dating, you have enough ammunition, enough pre-knowledge to reduce the "unknown" of dating significantly.

You will never know everything about them, or yourself for that matter, but you will know enough to go into the date if you choose to proceed, with the assurance that there won't be much that will negatively surprise you. You will be dating mostly what you want to date.

I've created a web site, an online dating site based upon personality type which can help you reduce the "unknown" factors in dating. 

typedates.com

Registration is free. The site is new so be patient as it grows. 

Do yourself a favor when you date. Identify and use as much as possible of what is and can be known about you and then define the solid, never changing attributes you would like in a relationship, then use personality type to help you find those people possessing those attributes. Try typedates.com.

"Fear" May Be the Largest Problem When Dating

Fear. 

So much of dating seems to revolve around "Fear". I think this is why dating can be so difficult especially for older folks, 30s 40s and up. They've been hurt. 

I recently researched some of the top reasons that cause dating difficulty. Most of the reasons can be placed under the category of "Fear".

"Being rejected; losing my independence; being lied to; hooking up with a sociopath; never finding my soul mate; being alone if I get it wrong; avoiding divorce; too much baggage".... and the list goes on and on. All related to "Fear" in some way.

So, how can we go about eliminating or radically reducing the "Fear" component involved with dating?

For starters and perhaps more profoundly come to realize that God does NOT give a spirit of fear. If that is true, and it is, then where does fear come from? That is a question for another post but for now, know that a closer relationship with God can drive out all fear.

What does God give related to this conversation? He gives a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.

Ahh, a sound mind. 

You have a solid foundation of personality type that can be used as one good tool for eliminating the fear associated with dating.

When you know your type this is like knowing yourself. You can make decisions based upon what you really like and don't like, what you want, and don't want in a person, in a relationship because you are deciding based upon INSTINCT, not a whim, not a cultural passing fancy, not superficial appearances. You are deciding based upon a KNOWN quantity, your individual nature, your personality type.

Personality type is an INSTINCTIVE preference for certain behaviors. Match the natural behaviors in your type with folks who have the same type or near the same type of behaviors and you are walking on safer ground. 

When you know what to expect fear can be reduced. Avoid those types who are more likely to behave in ways unlike your ways, who like more of the things, environments, settings, ideas that you do NOT like based upon your unchanging personality type. 

God has given you this ability this personality type. When you know your type you are using wisdom and understanding based upon INSTINCT. You are safer.

My mission has been to help connect people based upon personality type first and foremost. 

Typedates.com is an online dating site geared to help people connect based upon their never-changing personality type FIRST before anything else.

 

"Unable to Synergy With Each Other".

Recently I was searching on the question of what is the worst thing about dating. After reading many responses from various sources on that question it occurred to me that the vast majority of the responses could be categorized under the idea of a lack of synergy. In fact, one young lady responded that "Nowadays, the biggest challenge is that we are unable to synergy with each other." I was struck by that.

The dictionary defines synergy as "The interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc."

This speaks of a coming together with a meshing of things many things that match who you are. 

Some areas of synergy or matching that were spoken of as "worst about dating" included lack of commitment, education level, hygiene, spiritual background, kindness, confidence, lack of transparency, and many more. Some spoke of dating as being "clinical", "depressing" because one meets so many people who are really messed up. (paraphrasing there)

Another way of putting this is that people largely date those who are more unlike themselves than themselves. 

Once again, I was not surprised to hear this as it reinforces my contention that people who are more alike get along better more than people who are less alike. 

This is why I created Typedates.com as a way of giving people a dating tool that is based on instinctive realities not fly by night whims. 

Nothing is guaranteed in this life, nothing is perfect; however, when you date based upon instinctive sameness, which is matching personality type more rather than less with those you date FROM THE BEGINNING, you have a much stronger chance of having better dates rather than worse ones, of finding people you have a better chance of relating too positively rather than negatively. 

Personalty "synergy", if you will, is FACT. It has proved itself over and over again.

So, doesn't it make sense to give yourself the best chance of relationship success sooner rather than later?

Doesn't it make sense to be in control of your dating life rather than letting dating control you?

When you are picking those to date who MATCH your type more rather than less you are in control. The date may still not work out but you will likely have fewer bad dates because you are using personality type which promotes synergy to work for you ahead of time. It is very possible you will meet fewer people who are "messed" up (paraphrasing again) and meet more people you "naturally" enjoy because they are more like you than less like you at the core. 

I invite you, actually, I urge you to be good to yourself in your dating and date based upon personality type. Please consider using Typedates.com as the tool to use. It is a new niche dating site and needs time to grow but it will grow. Registration is free. Please register, spread the word and put dating "synergy" on your side.

INTJ-Looking For Love

INTJs have an idealized view of what their love life should be. Those that fit that view will find a strong and loyal partner.

The INTJ love vision is less romantic and more directed at what life should be. This is not to say the INTJ cannot be romantic, they can and it will take a logical form.

The INTJ will be looking for someone who understands that while the INTJ can be extremely loving and loyal this may not be expressed so much in words but more in deeds.

Loving an INTJ is to understand that "work" to them is not work in the standard sense. It is something they want to "like" or even "love" to do, it reaches the idealistic zone, and they are willing to search to find it. So to love the INTJ is to allow them to search.

To love the INTJ is to understand that while they can be outstanding following systems and procedures when those systems and procedures bore them or they view as no longer their own or serving them in a logical and visionary way the INTJ will rebel against them and find their own systems and procedures.

To love the INTJ is to also understand that they are usually not in tune with their own feelings let alone those of others. This is not to say they can not become attuned it will likely take more work on their part and more understanding on the part of the one loving them. If the partner of the INTJ is a "Feeler" this can become very difficult. Not impossible but difficult.

When it comes to romance and sex the INTJ will naturally "think" about that more than express it with behavior initially. Remember they are logical visionaries and they will envision sex and romance first.

To love the INTJ is to consider the following strengths & weaknesses and be ok with them:
Strengths:

• Good listeners
• Desire to perfect their relationships
• Not threatened by criticism or conflict
• Self-confident
• View commitments and relationships seriously
• Generally capable and intelligent
• Equipped to leave relationships which should be ended easily

Weaknesses:

• Normally not in tune with the feelings of others, indeed at times insensitive
• Tend to respond to conflict with logic & reason rather than emotion & feeling
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings & affections
• Tend to believe they are always correct
• Unwilling or unable to accept blame often
• Always looking to improve everything 
• Tend to keep part of themselves withdrawn

I Love Her/Him but she/he is not my type, what can I do?

We need to be flexible with our type and understand and honor the differences in type that may exist in others.

Take a look at this video regarding making your type more flexible.

I hope this helps.

The practice of being "flexible" with type is CRITICAL when you love someone, are dating someone who is really opposite of your type; and this is mostly what is going on in the dating world.

Which Type is the Best?

This is another most frequently asked question I got over the years.

None of them are the best. When compared to the others they are all the best.

The best is the one type that you are and that is the type you will always be.

Now having said that some certain types are better for certain situations. When you understand the instinctive nature of type preferences you will understand this better.

For example, my type is INFJ. That is not the best type necessarily when compared to the remaining 15 types. However, in some situations it may be better.

INFJ may be better in situations that require especially the dominant intuition and the secondary feeling behaviors to be used. That is so because when those functions are used the situation is performed better or most optimally.

What are those situations one may ask? There could be many of them but typically a work situation is easier to understand.

Counseling, minister, fine arts, psychology, social worker, education (typically higher ed) psychiatrist, librarian and others that normally call upon the most instinctively preferred functions of Intuition and Feeling more that Sensing and Thinking are some occupations where INFJ would be better, more naturally used than lets say ESTP.

Now, the ESTP could go into the above-mentioned occupations and in fact, they do; however, they will work harder, encounter more needless frustrations and setbacks in those occupations than the INFJ naturally would.

Also, the INFJ would have similar difficulty performing an ESTP like-occupation.

So in the sense of matching work behaviors to personality behaviors INFJ may be the better type for that occupation. This is also one of the reasons personality type is and can be used powerfully in career planning.

Each of the 16 types has situations, environments, and people that they may be "the best for" in a manner of speaking.

The challenge is to identify those situations and people ahead of time so that one can be prepared.

In terms of relationships and dating, using the above examples and the two types presented, INFJ and ESTP, they are NOT the best choice for long-term, naturally occurring congeniality based relationships. I mean here relationships that are easier to be in on every level.

Both are great types. They are not NATURALLY & INSTINCTIVELY compatible. This does not make them enemies, it does make them harder to be with, in the long run.

So, why do that?

If you can exercise a choice, why do that, why make it harder on yourself from the "get-go"? Why lay the groundwork for self-sabotaging a relationship?

That is the premise of using type to date with. You can date and form a relationship with any type you want and for any reason you want. All we are saying is that the more type-like you are with someone you are dating the more naturally better that relationship is likely to be.

I Feel Like I Have Two Types!

Many people feel this way. They feel they are one type at home and another type at work or in some other setting.

The reality is that people are one type. That type is set at birth.

However, we do many things in life and it is safe to say that most of them will put us in environments that are type-unlike our natural type.

You have 8 behaviors or functions that you use:
Extroversion, Introversion, Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perceiving.

However, you instinctively prefer only 4 of the 8.

The other 4 or non-preferred behaviors you have and use but they are not as accomplished in a natural and instinctive way.

Most of the time folks will feel more non-type like when they are at work. The work environment demands that more non-preferred behaviors are used in order to get the job done in the best way.

The repeated exercise of non-preferred behaviors is uncomfortable and sometimes absolutely intolerable. Which is one of the reasons folks will change jobs so frequently or burn-out and testify that they hate their work.

At least 70% of all the workers in the world do not like, even hate, what they do for a living. The reason is that they have entered into a work setting that requires them to use their non-preferred behaviors way too much. Why they chose the non-type like work is another subject and one that I was involved with for over 33yrs.

So folks will feel as if they are one personality type at work and a different personality type when not at work. Typically the non-work setting will be at home but may be in any behavioral environment that demands they use their instinctively preferred functions. In other words, the 4 of the 8 behaviors they are imprinted to prefer.

So, with a knowledge of type, it is possible to avoid environments that require too much use of non-preferred behaviors. At the very least with knowledge of type we can prepare for work or any activity that forces us to engage in non-preferred behaviors.

Where Does "Personality Type" Come From Anyway?!

We might also ask, "How is my personality type formed?"

Most of the time when this question is asked the results we get end up referring to Carl Jung and his theory of personality type which motivated Catherine Briggs and her daughter Isabell Briggs-Myers to create the Myers-Briggs personality indicator.

But I'm not talking about that. However, if you go to the link I'm going to give you, you will get a really great explanation of how your personality type, which is intact by the time you are born, develops, here is the link "The Personality Page".

However, as helpful as the explanation on "The Personality Page" is, that is not what I"m talking about.

How can your type be intact by the time you are born? I mean something is happening between the time you were conceived and the time you were born. Yes? Well is it biology, is it evolution, is it pure chance, what is it?

NO. None of that, Listen:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:13-16

God created your personality type within you.

You were imprinted by Him to instinctively prefer the behaviors you prefer. Think about that. You are supposed to be the type you are! Wow!

Now, for all the INFJs out there, including myself, that truth has confused me at times and stressed me at times and even depressed me until I see the beauty of INFJ and the rarity of that type.

It is truly all good. Whichever of the 16 types you are you are meant to be that particular type.

I have frequently said that your personality type is your asset of assets. I believe that knowing that God has purposely given you the personality type that you have increases the understanding and appreciation for how valuable your type is and that type is indeed your asset of assets.

So, consider taking the time to learn as much as you can about the personality type that God has created within you.

Use that knowledge to better understand the type of others and use that knowledge as the foundation of all your understanding of relationships.

If you are dating, date based upon personality type. You can do that easily and safely at typedates.com.

Will My Personality Type Change?

Well "no" is the short answer but it needs some explanation.

Your personality type is an instinctive "preference".  You are using all 8 behaviors on the Myers Briggs spectrum but instinctively preferring 4 of the 8.

You are using all of the preferences. This is the key to understanding that type does not change.

When you use non-preferred behaviors "too much", whatever "too much" is and means because it is different for everyone, then it begins to feel like your type is/has changed. Only because you are using non-preferred behaviors much more than before.

This might be like being right-handed but being forced by life to use your left hand very much more than before and it goes on and on and on. You will get used to your left hand and it will feel more comfortable in its use.

However, you did not become left-handed. In this example, you are still instinctively preferring the right hand.

Also, to confuse things a bit more, the older you get the more you have chances to use non-preferred behaviors. So aging also contributes to this idea that your type has changed. Again, it has not you are just getting used to using non-preferred behaviors more than before because as you live longer you have more opportunity to use the non-preferred behaviors in life.

I hope this is making sense to you because in my 33yrs of professional career advising and MBTI practicing this was one of the most frequently asked questions.

Please let me know if you have any questions regarding this topic or any other topic related to personality type.

Stop the Self-Sabotage!

So many people are performing "self-sabotage" when they date without using instinct.

Using instinct is knowing your personality type and looking for other types that are close to yours. Or at the very least, looking for types that you know something about whether they are close to your type or not and you want to meet them based on type knowledge first before using any other criteria.

Stop making things harder on yourself when it comes to dating and building relationships.

Check out the following quote:

"Many people dwell on the negative rather than the positive or create excuses for themselves in order to justify why they have not met all of their goals. In some cases, people will find it difficult to accomplish tasks because they are actually making things harder on themselves or are engaging in a form of self-sabotage. In order to stop making things harder for yourself, you have to be prepared to transform the way you approach your life. Learn to manage your time, acknowledge your weaknesses, and develop self-confidence."
Paul Chernyak, LPC

Personality type is an instinctive thing. It can be identified accurately and you can apply it easily in many areas of your life. Dating is one of them, a pretty important one in fact.

Date people you already know something about. The instinctive typing will not change. People can change many things about themselves but we can't change our Personality Type.

So when you are not using type as the main beginning criteria for dating you are using non-instinctive, may change, likely will change criteria for setting up that date. Why make things harder on yourself?

You increase your chances of having better dating experiences, meeting people who you have more in common with and developing more lasting relationships when you begin with personality type.

Typedates.com is being developed to help you do just that. Date based on personality type ala Myers-Briggs like information.
Registration is Free!

INFJ-Looking for Love

INFJs who make up about 2-3% of the American population are true romantics but will be "behind the scenes" about it.

They are deep thinkers and their sense of "feeling" colored with intuition can make their romantic and love thought almost psychic.

They will care deeply for the ones they love but can be quickly hurt by the same. INFJs do have a tendency to take things way too personally.

Reading, writing, thinking, praying, listening to music are things the INFJ will revel in and may be expressed on a date. If you don't like those things, think twice before you date an INFJ. Well, think twice before you let yourself fall in love with one.

INFJs will enjoy museums, art galleries, libraries, bookstores and the like. These can be not only great places for taking an INFJ on a date but also are good places to meet one as well.

When you first meet an INFJ you will hear "feeling" being spoken. They may not speak first but they will respond kindly to what you say. Just be prepared to hear "feeling" spoken. If you can speak "feeling" you have an advantage in the conversation with the INFJ. If you understand "intuition" you are ahead of the game with them.

INFJs appreciate affection. If you can't or won't give affection do not date an INFJ. If you are pretending in your offers of affection know that in time the truth will come out and INFJs do not respond well to a lack of affection in any environment.

INFJs may be the most passionate of all the 16 types but VERY PRIVATELY so.

If you are INFJ look for the "NF" types first. (intuitive feelers) then the "SF" (sensing feelers) second. The total opposite type is ESTP. In my opinion, proceed there with caution.

But hey, you can date any type you want.

Build your relationships on instinct.

So What Causes the "Grip" Experience?

Well, the keyword in the title of this post is "causes". There will almost always be more than one reason or situation that causes one to go into the personality "grip" experience.

Overall, your instinctively preferred conscious function (either Sensing, Intuition, Feeling or Thinking) is at a very low energy level.

Ok, so what caused that? Several things: (not in any particular order)

Fatigue. My late father used to say that "fatigue makes cowards of us all." I grew up with that, and a few others; but, he was right.

When we are physically tired due to overwork, lack of sleep, perhaps too much activity, maybe chronic fatigue syndrome, things like that we run out of conscious energy and drop to the inferior function to handle whatever is going on and this happens rapidly.

Illness. When we are sick the extra strain and stress of sickness saps whatever energy we have left and we move into the realm of the inferior function which is the "grip".

Stress, Psychological & Physical. Whatever the stress is physical or psychological we call upon all or most of our energy to deal with it. Stressors can be so many and varied. What stresses you may not stress me. However, whatever they are we will deal with them with a high priority. If they are ongoing, pervasive, if they are a natural part of our work lets say, or perhaps a natural part of the relationship we are in, the stress can actually seem to be a natural and healthy thing, but it is not. One acting out in the "grip" all the time might seem normal but it is highly destructive.

Drugs. To the extent that drugs alter the normal behavior of individuals the tendency to fall into the "grip" will increase. We become more vulnerable to falling into the control of the inferior function.

Life Changes. The more stressful any life change is the more likely we are to experience the inferior function, the "grip".

Well, the above are some of the causes of the "grip" experience in a soon to appear post I will talk a bit more about the purpose of the "grip". It is not always a bad thing; but, mostly it is.

Covid19 and Personality Type

What?! What does personality type have to do with the crazy Covid19 virus??

Are any of the 16 types more prone to get the virus?

No, absolutely not.

However, each type will react, respond to the news of the virus in predictable ways.

Each type or each type "group" will predictably respond or be "griped" by the news.

Sensors with be instinctively prone to focus on all the details of the disease and what is being done about it.

Intuits will see the overall general picture, the big picture if you will and become bored if too much detail is discussed for too long.

The "Thinker" will see the logic of the situation and respond with the logical inconsistencies involved.

The "Feeler" will be concerned with how people feel about the sickness and how hurt may spread.

All these reactions represent a response from the "dominant" function. One would expect the Sensor, the Intuit, the Thinker and the Feeler to respond in those ways.

However, when one is "griped" by their "Inferior" function the responses are radically different. In fact, they will be completely opposite of the normal reaction.

The "Sensor" will "catastrophize" on one huge issue, taking a big picture approach emotionally.

The "Intuit" will become upset with one particular detail and blow it out of proportion.

The "Thinker" will become emotional overly concerned with how feelings are compromised.

The "Feeler" will become logical in a direct and insensitive manner.

More about the "grip" experience later. Suffice it to say it is not a comfortable experience. Those who know the person exhibiting the "grip" behavior will know that they are really out of character and not themselves.

I'll discuss why folks go into the "grip" experience in another post.
For now, be understanding when those you love go through the "grip" just as you might want to be understood when it hits you and it will; actually if your human it already has on several occasions and you know it.

Looking For Love-ISFJ Style!

For the "ISFJ" personality type which comprises about 10-13% of the American population, love is all about safety, commitment, responsibility, caring, kindness, affection and eventually marriage.

The ISFJ when they fall in love they fall hard.

The ISFJ has a strong instinctive drive to be of service and falling in love can fulfill this need to a great degree.

Similar to a few other types, the ISFJ has a tendency to stay in bad relationships longer than they should as they fulfill their drive of loyalty and service.

ISFJs are extremely caring and compassionate so dating should be an extension of that. They will be most impressed and pleased with dating environments that express caring, compassion, calmness, consideration for others. ISFJs respond to the warmth and kindness in people.

ISFJs also respond to "old fashioned" dating; flowers, gifts, go slow, quiet walks, cuddling in front of a fireplace, etc.

ISFJs are looking for those who can "naturally" express the above-mentioned attributes of kindness, caring, responsibility, gentleness, loyalty.

If you are ISFJ look for the ESFJ, the ESFP first followed by the "NF" types.

Go to typedates.com to find your ISFJ date!

Looking For Love-ISTJ Style!

For the "ISTJ" which make up anywhere from 8-13% of the American population, depending upon who you talk to, love has everything to do with security, commitment, and steadiness.

If you want to date an ISTJ get ready for a "traditional" approach to romance and dating. I mean, flowers, candy, traditional cards, presents and the like. All of this withing a traditional, simple, common, structured, detailed, cautious, status-quo environment.

Nothing fancy needed. No need for constant stimulation or excitement on the date.

If you are not ISTJ and are wanting to date one, know that the "traditional" dating roles will likely be expected.

ISTJs are steady, dependable and extremely loyal. They will expect the same in return.

ISTJs have a marked tendency, due to their strong instinctive sense of loyalty, to stay in bad relationships way to long. If you are ISTJ, please be aware of this, don't stay in bad relationships, be good to yourself.

ISTJs are naturals at scheduling things, and I mean almost everything can be scheduled. This includes dates, activities on the dates, sex, yes I said sex. Be aware that the tendency to schedule so much comes from their instinctive drive for security and stability.

If you are ISTJ looking to date based on type, for most natural relationship results look for the ESTJ, or the ESTP may be another ISTJ.

Use typedates.com for whatever types you want to date.

Personality Type Scouting Report On Communication-What to Expect!

I'm fond of using a basketball scouting report analogy when talking about personality type and communication.

If you get a good quality scouting report from a trusted source, you KNOW with a good deal of confidence what the other team is capable of and is likely to do.

This is like knowing the personality type of someone you want to date, are dating, want to love, are loving.

You know if the other team brings pressure early full court, if they normally play a man rather than a zone defensively, like to zone inbounds plays, oh all kinds of stuff. Point being, you can prepare for them.

Regarding personality type, all of us speak with our Dominant and Auxillary functions. I mean literally speak our native tongue through these 2 functions. No exceptions. All humans do this. THIS CAN BE ACCURATELY IDENTIFIED!

So the knowledge of how someone is likely to speak to you can potentially help us better understand how to listen and respond.

All of us have a "type code". I am INFJ. That is my "type code" so to speak. It is instinctive and will not change. That gives great assurance and confidence. Your "type code" is instinctive and will not change also.

Now consider this:
1. If I date someone with the same two middle letters (NF) than our communication is likely to be relatively easy. BECAUSE we are speaking the same "psychological" or "behavioral" language.

2. If I date someone with one middle letter same as mine, let's say the "F" is the same as mine but the other letter is different, let's say an "S", then communication is likely to be moderately difficult. BECAUSE we are not speaking the same language, but there is some similarity, this is like "learning" a foreign language vs speaking a foreign language because you are native to it.

3. Also, if the two middle letters are completely different, in this case instead of "NF", matching mine, we have "ST" which is completely opposite of mine then communication is likely to be much more difficult. BECAUSE we don't know the foreign language very well at all, have not studied it, don't really want to! Wow!

Now the reason for this is that for the INFJ, NF represent the Dominantly preferred behavioral function of Intuition (N) and the Second or auxiliary preferred function of Feeling (F). INFJs speak, literaly, THROUGH those two functions. 

Takeaway: The more ALIKE your two middle letters of your personality type code are to someone else's, the better the communication will be. The more UNLIKE they are the more difficult the communication will be.

So use this "code" reality to help as you date and relate with others.

Thirty-Three Years of Personality Counseling Taught Me This!

Thirty-Three Years of Personality Counseling Taught Me This!TAKEAWAY: The more "alike" you are to the person you are dating or trying to love the better that relationship likely will be.

The above "takeaway" statement is THE huge truth I learned as a result of 33 plus years of career and personality coaching/counseling.

I retired in August of 2018 after 33 years of career and personality counseling at a major mid-western 4-year university. I have burned with a desire to let everyone know what I discovered.

If you desire a relationship with the strongest chance of success than base it on SAMENESS not OPPOSITES.

What in life can you be sure of? Death, taxes, yes for sure. In addition, you can be sure that your "Personality Type" is your asset of assets because it is an instinctive imprint, a preference within you.

You can take the knowledge of your type and use it at THE BEGINNING OF RELATIONSHIPS to make wiser decisions.

I used to think of it as a basketball scouting report that a coach might use. If I have a real good idea of what the opponent is going to do and is capable of, and if I know how they go about doing what they do, I can prepare with a greater assurance of what might happen.

The knowledge of your type and the type of your lover, let's say, is the scouting report. Unlike a basketball team, your "type" will not change from year to year. There will be "fluctuations" but since type is an "instinctive" preference imprinting, you can rely upon.

So date people who are more similar to your type than are opposite. 

INFJ Relationships

If you are an INFJ or are trying to love one, you should read this and really take it to heart:

https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2018/06/11/10-things-infjs-look-for-in-a-relationship/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=tailwind_tribes&utm_content=tribes&utm_term=375598202_12176034_397542

What Personality Type Has Which Dominant Function

1. Find your personality type in one of the 4 lines below.
2. The letter at the beginning of the line is your Dominant Function.
3. Consider dating others of the same Dominant Function.

Opposites Attract But Not For Long!

I'll steal a little thunder from my dating site typedates.com by saying that the major takeaway I had from 33+ years of career and relationship advising is that opposites attract but the positive attraction does NOT last.

If your personality type is too different from that of your partner well things can be exciting in a positive way in the beginning but that instinctive oppositeness will end up causing trouble in the long run.

Folks can make it work, and if in an "opposite" type" relationship they should try by all means. It will be difficult, however.

Sure, life is difficult. My point is that if we can find relationships that are more "type alike" than that relationship has a much higher chance of success in every way.

So if you are looking for a relationship, short or long term, then consider searching based upon your Myers Briggs or Jungian personality type results.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday and I just thought I'd treat myself and wish myself a Happy Birthday.

Is kind of neat, my date is: 2/20/2020

What is the Dominant Function?

I love talking about the Dominant Function. One reason is that this preference is your most naturally preferred behavior, this is your home.

You will be Dominant in either Intuition (N); Sensing (S); Thinking (T), or Feeling (F).

Simply put, your Dominant Function is that behavioral preference on the Myers Briggs spectrum that gets the highest amount of your most natural "energy" let us call it.

You only have so much energy. The Dominant function gets the most amount all the time, always #1 in energy distribution.

The Auxiliary function gets the second-highest amount. We move on down to the Tertiary and Inferior functions in order.

The last two functions, Tertiary and Inferior are the most difficult to be in. Why, they are just not as strong as the Dominant and Auxiliary because they are not "chosen", used as much. You just do not instinctively prefer them as much as the first two.

One of the more interesting realities regarding the Dominant function is that we literally speak through this function.

Yes, we "talk" through the Dominant function.

Coming soon: Which Types Have Which Dominant Function.

"Dominant Function" of Personality Type is Your "Love" Secret.

"Dominant Function" of Personality Type is Your "Love" Secret

After 33 years of career/relationship coaching, I am here to repeat the title of this brief article to you.

Your "dominant" cognitive function of your personality type IS your love secret.

Find someone with the same  Dominant function and your relationship will be better.

I've coached thousands of college students and alumni of all ages during my career as a career counselor and invariably the vast majority of career sessions would entail conversations regarding relationships the clients were having or had experienced and how that was impacting their career planning.

Over 90% of the time when there was relationship trouble the pair had completely opposite personality types or mostly opposite personality types, or they were in a relationship with someone whose "dominant" function was their "inferior" function.

My 33 years of field experience as a career counselor and a Myers Briggs practitioner have confirmed that when folks relate with someone of the same dominant function the relationships are better, longer.

The new dating web site, "typedates.com" was developed to use this personality cognitive fact.

At typedates.com one can find someone of their same personality type or same dominant or auxiliary function or even date someone of the opposite type if one is looking for adventure and excitement in temporary relationships.

                                                   

Dating Site Built On Personality Type

Dating Site Built On Personality Type

Build relationships on instinct!!

When you understand what personality type is, it only makes sense to find relationships built upon "type". Not exclusively of course but "type" should be THE foundation stone of any relationship.

"Personality Type" is an instinctive preference for certain behaviors over others.

We use many behaviors but some of them we do not "prefer". It is like being right-hand preferent or left-hand preferent as an example. We have a "natural" feel for using one hand over the other hand. It is similar with behaviors.

Now finding healthy relationships build upon personality type (instinct) has become easier, much easier.

Introducing "typedates.com" a web site that will help you find potential relationships and dating opportunities based upon your personality type as described by a Myers-Briggs description.

(Typedates.com is NOT affiliated with the Myers Briggs instruments or Foundation in any way.)

Moving forward I will be posting many thoughts and resources regarding how each of the 16 personality types find love, romance, relationships, and more.