Remove the "Unknown" In Dating

Fear of the "unknown" in dating seems to be one of the more reported difficulties, fears surrounding dating.

Understandable. You don't really know what thay like, don't like, value, don't value. You don't really know the environments they like. You don't know their strengths. Don't know their weaknesses. 

When we date online or date period there is much we do not know as we go into the dating situation.

What if that could be radically reversed?

What if there was a way that would give you a strong idea, going into the date, before the very first date, of what they prefer on several levels.

What if you knew ahead of time how they speak, how they view the world around them, how they reason, how they prefer to manage their every waking moment, what if?

Wouldn't that kind of pre-knowledge reduce a great amount of the "unknown" about the date?

If you had a pretty good idea of what they value, what they like, what they fear, at least in general, wouldn't that provide a more positive expectation of what a date with them might be like?

Then if the prospect was more negative than positive, why date them to begin with?

Well, this kind of pre-knowledge is possible. I've been telling people about it for over 35 years now. What is it?

It is a knowledge of your instinctive personality type. 

When you now your type and even a modest understanding of what your type is about, and you know the personality type of the person you are considering dating, you have enough ammunition, enough pre-knowledge to reduce the "unknown" of dating significantly.

You will never know everything about them, or yourself for that matter, but you will know enough to go into the date if you choose to proceed, with the assurance that there won't be much that will negatively surprise you. You will be dating mostly what you want to date.

I've created a web site, an online dating site based upon personality type which can help you reduce the "unknown" factors in dating. 

typedates.com

Registration is free. The site is new so be patient as it grows. 

Do yourself a favor when you date. Identify and use as much as possible of what is and can be known about you and then define the solid, never changing attributes you would like in a relationship, then use personality type to help you find those people possessing those attributes. Try typedates.com.

"Fear" May Be the Largest Problem When Dating

Fear. 

So much of dating seems to revolve around "Fear". I think this is why dating can be so difficult especially for older folks, 30s 40s and up. They've been hurt. 

I recently researched some of the top reasons that cause dating difficulty. Most of the reasons can be placed under the category of "Fear".

"Being rejected; losing my independence; being lied to; hooking up with a sociopath; never finding my soul mate; being alone if I get it wrong; avoiding divorce; too much baggage".... and the list goes on and on. All related to "Fear" in some way.

So, how can we go about eliminating or radically reducing the "Fear" component involved with dating?

For starters and perhaps more profoundly come to realize that God does NOT give a spirit of fear. If that is true, and it is, then where does fear come from? That is a question for another post but for now, know that a closer relationship with God can drive out all fear.

What does God give related to this conversation? He gives a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.

Ahh, a sound mind. 

You have a solid foundation of personality type that can be used as one good tool for eliminating the fear associated with dating.

When you know your type this is like knowing yourself. You can make decisions based upon what you really like and don't like, what you want, and don't want in a person, in a relationship because you are deciding based upon INSTINCT, not a whim, not a cultural passing fancy, not superficial appearances. You are deciding based upon a KNOWN quantity, your individual nature, your personality type.

Personality type is an INSTINCTIVE preference for certain behaviors. Match the natural behaviors in your type with folks who have the same type or near the same type of behaviors and you are walking on safer ground. 

When you know what to expect fear can be reduced. Avoid those types who are more likely to behave in ways unlike your ways, who like more of the things, environments, settings, ideas that you do NOT like based upon your unchanging personality type. 

God has given you this ability this personality type. When you know your type you are using wisdom and understanding based upon INSTINCT. You are safer.

My mission has been to help connect people based upon personality type first and foremost. 

Typedates.com is an online dating site geared to help people connect based upon their never-changing personality type FIRST before anything else.

 

"Unable to Synergy With Each Other".

Recently I was searching on the question of what is the worst thing about dating. After reading many responses from various sources on that question it occurred to me that the vast majority of the responses could be categorized under the idea of a lack of synergy. In fact, one young lady responded that "Nowadays, the biggest challenge is that we are unable to synergy with each other." I was struck by that.

The dictionary defines synergy as "The interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc."

This speaks of a coming together with a meshing of things many things that match who you are. 

Some areas of synergy or matching that were spoken of as "worst about dating" included lack of commitment, education level, hygiene, spiritual background, kindness, confidence, lack of transparency, and many more. Some spoke of dating as being "clinical", "depressing" because one meets so many people who are really messed up. (paraphrasing there)

Another way of putting this is that people largely date those who are more unlike themselves than themselves. 

Once again, I was not surprised to hear this as it reinforces my contention that people who are more alike get along better more than people who are less alike. 

This is why I created Typedates.com as a way of giving people a dating tool that is based on instinctive realities not fly by night whims. 

Nothing is guaranteed in this life, nothing is perfect; however, when you date based upon instinctive sameness, which is matching personality type more rather than less with those you date FROM THE BEGINNING, you have a much stronger chance of having better dates rather than worse ones, of finding people you have a better chance of relating too positively rather than negatively. 

Personalty "synergy", if you will, is FACT. It has proved itself over and over again.

So, doesn't it make sense to give yourself the best chance of relationship success sooner rather than later?

Doesn't it make sense to be in control of your dating life rather than letting dating control you?

When you are picking those to date who MATCH your type more rather than less you are in control. The date may still not work out but you will likely have fewer bad dates because you are using personality type which promotes synergy to work for you ahead of time. It is very possible you will meet fewer people who are "messed" up (paraphrasing again) and meet more people you "naturally" enjoy because they are more like you than less like you at the core. 

I invite you, actually, I urge you to be good to yourself in your dating and date based upon personality type. Please consider using Typedates.com as the tool to use. It is a new niche dating site and needs time to grow but it will grow. Registration is free. Please register, spread the word and put dating "synergy" on your side.

Where Does "Personality Type" Come From Anyway?!

We might also ask, "How is my personality type formed?"

Most of the time when this question is asked the results we get end up referring to Carl Jung and his theory of personality type which motivated Catherine Briggs and her daughter Isabell Briggs-Myers to create the Myers-Briggs personality indicator.

But I'm not talking about that. However, if you go to the link I'm going to give you, you will get a really great explanation of how your personality type, which is intact by the time you are born, develops, here is the link "The Personality Page".

However, as helpful as the explanation on "The Personality Page" is, that is not what I"m talking about.

How can your type be intact by the time you are born? I mean something is happening between the time you were conceived and the time you were born. Yes? Well is it biology, is it evolution, is it pure chance, what is it?

NO. None of that, Listen:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:13-16

God created your personality type within you.

You were imprinted by Him to instinctively prefer the behaviors you prefer. Think about that. You are supposed to be the type you are! Wow!

Now, for all the INFJs out there, including myself, that truth has confused me at times and stressed me at times and even depressed me until I see the beauty of INFJ and the rarity of that type.

It is truly all good. Whichever of the 16 types you are you are meant to be that particular type.

I have frequently said that your personality type is your asset of assets. I believe that knowing that God has purposely given you the personality type that you have increases the understanding and appreciation for how valuable your type is and that type is indeed your asset of assets.

So, consider taking the time to learn as much as you can about the personality type that God has created within you.

Use that knowledge to better understand the type of others and use that knowledge as the foundation of all your understanding of relationships.

If you are dating, date based upon personality type. You can do that easily and safely at typedates.com.

INFJ-Looking for Love

INFJs who make up about 2-3% of the American population are true romantics but will be "behind the scenes" about it.

They are deep thinkers and their sense of "feeling" colored with intuition can make their romantic and love thought almost psychic.

They will care deeply for the ones they love but can be quickly hurt by the same. INFJs do have a tendency to take things way too personally.

Reading, writing, thinking, praying, listening to music are things the INFJ will revel in and may be expressed on a date. If you don't like those things, think twice before you date an INFJ. Well, think twice before you let yourself fall in love with one.

INFJs will enjoy museums, art galleries, libraries, bookstores and the like. These can be not only great places for taking an INFJ on a date but also are good places to meet one as well.

When you first meet an INFJ you will hear "feeling" being spoken. They may not speak first but they will respond kindly to what you say. Just be prepared to hear "feeling" spoken. If you can speak "feeling" you have an advantage in the conversation with the INFJ. If you understand "intuition" you are ahead of the game with them.

INFJs appreciate affection. If you can't or won't give affection do not date an INFJ. If you are pretending in your offers of affection know that in time the truth will come out and INFJs do not respond well to a lack of affection in any environment.

INFJs may be the most passionate of all the 16 types but VERY PRIVATELY so.

If you are INFJ look for the "NF" types first. (intuitive feelers) then the "SF" (sensing feelers) second. The total opposite type is ESTP. In my opinion, proceed there with caution.

But hey, you can date any type you want.

Build your relationships on instinct.

So What Causes the "Grip" Experience?

Well, the keyword in the title of this post is "causes". There will almost always be more than one reason or situation that causes one to go into the personality "grip" experience.

Overall, your instinctively preferred conscious function (either Sensing, Intuition, Feeling or Thinking) is at a very low energy level.

Ok, so what caused that? Several things: (not in any particular order)

Fatigue. My late father used to say that "fatigue makes cowards of us all." I grew up with that, and a few others; but, he was right.

When we are physically tired due to overwork, lack of sleep, perhaps too much activity, maybe chronic fatigue syndrome, things like that we run out of conscious energy and drop to the inferior function to handle whatever is going on and this happens rapidly.

Illness. When we are sick the extra strain and stress of sickness saps whatever energy we have left and we move into the realm of the inferior function which is the "grip".

Stress, Psychological & Physical. Whatever the stress is physical or psychological we call upon all or most of our energy to deal with it. Stressors can be so many and varied. What stresses you may not stress me. However, whatever they are we will deal with them with a high priority. If they are ongoing, pervasive, if they are a natural part of our work lets say, or perhaps a natural part of the relationship we are in, the stress can actually seem to be a natural and healthy thing, but it is not. One acting out in the "grip" all the time might seem normal but it is highly destructive.

Drugs. To the extent that drugs alter the normal behavior of individuals the tendency to fall into the "grip" will increase. We become more vulnerable to falling into the control of the inferior function.

Life Changes. The more stressful any life change is the more likely we are to experience the inferior function, the "grip".

Well, the above are some of the causes of the "grip" experience in a soon to appear post I will talk a bit more about the purpose of the "grip". It is not always a bad thing; but, mostly it is.

Covid19 and Personality Type

What?! What does personality type have to do with the crazy Covid19 virus??

Are any of the 16 types more prone to get the virus?

No, absolutely not.

However, each type will react, respond to the news of the virus in predictable ways.

Each type or each type "group" will predictably respond or be "griped" by the news.

Sensors with be instinctively prone to focus on all the details of the disease and what is being done about it.

Intuits will see the overall general picture, the big picture if you will and become bored if too much detail is discussed for too long.

The "Thinker" will see the logic of the situation and respond with the logical inconsistencies involved.

The "Feeler" will be concerned with how people feel about the sickness and how hurt may spread.

All these reactions represent a response from the "dominant" function. One would expect the Sensor, the Intuit, the Thinker and the Feeler to respond in those ways.

However, when one is "griped" by their "Inferior" function the responses are radically different. In fact, they will be completely opposite of the normal reaction.

The "Sensor" will "catastrophize" on one huge issue, taking a big picture approach emotionally.

The "Intuit" will become upset with one particular detail and blow it out of proportion.

The "Thinker" will become emotional overly concerned with how feelings are compromised.

The "Feeler" will become logical in a direct and insensitive manner.

More about the "grip" experience later. Suffice it to say it is not a comfortable experience. Those who know the person exhibiting the "grip" behavior will know that they are really out of character and not themselves.

I'll discuss why folks go into the "grip" experience in another post.
For now, be understanding when those you love go through the "grip" just as you might want to be understood when it hits you and it will; actually if your human it already has on several occasions and you know it.

Looking For Love-ISFJ Style!

For the "ISFJ" personality type which comprises about 10-13% of the American population, love is all about safety, commitment, responsibility, caring, kindness, affection and eventually marriage.

The ISFJ when they fall in love they fall hard.

The ISFJ has a strong instinctive drive to be of service and falling in love can fulfill this need to a great degree.

Similar to a few other types, the ISFJ has a tendency to stay in bad relationships longer than they should as they fulfill their drive of loyalty and service.

ISFJs are extremely caring and compassionate so dating should be an extension of that. They will be most impressed and pleased with dating environments that express caring, compassion, calmness, consideration for others. ISFJs respond to the warmth and kindness in people.

ISFJs also respond to "old fashioned" dating; flowers, gifts, go slow, quiet walks, cuddling in front of a fireplace, etc.

ISFJs are looking for those who can "naturally" express the above-mentioned attributes of kindness, caring, responsibility, gentleness, loyalty.

If you are ISFJ look for the ESFJ, the ESFP first followed by the "NF" types.

Go to typedates.com to find your ISFJ date!