INTJ-Looking For Love

INTJs have an idealized view of what their love life should be. Those that fit that view will find a strong and loyal partner.

The INTJ love vision is less romantic and more directed at what life should be. This is not to say the INTJ cannot be romantic, they can and it will take a logical form.

The INTJ will be looking for someone who understands that while the INTJ can be extremely loving and loyal this may not be expressed so much in words but more in deeds.

Loving an INTJ is to understand that "work" to them is not work in the standard sense. It is something they want to "like" or even "love" to do, it reaches the idealistic zone, and they are willing to search to find it. So to love the INTJ is to allow them to search.

To love the INTJ is to understand that while they can be outstanding following systems and procedures when those systems and procedures bore them or they view as no longer their own or serving them in a logical and visionary way the INTJ will rebel against them and find their own systems and procedures.

To love the INTJ is to also understand that they are usually not in tune with their own feelings let alone those of others. This is not to say they can not become attuned it will likely take more work on their part and more understanding on the part of the one loving them. If the partner of the INTJ is a "Feeler" this can become very difficult. Not impossible but difficult.

When it comes to romance and sex the INTJ will naturally "think" about that more than express it with behavior initially. Remember they are logical visionaries and they will envision sex and romance first.

To love the INTJ is to consider the following strengths & weaknesses and be ok with them:
Strengths:

• Good listeners
• Desire to perfect their relationships
• Not threatened by criticism or conflict
• Self-confident
• View commitments and relationships seriously
• Generally capable and intelligent
• Equipped to leave relationships which should be ended easily

Weaknesses:

• Normally not in tune with the feelings of others, indeed at times insensitive
• Tend to respond to conflict with logic & reason rather than emotion & feeling
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings & affections
• Tend to believe they are always correct
• Unwilling or unable to accept blame often
• Always looking to improve everything 
• Tend to keep part of themselves withdrawn

I Love Her/Him but she/he is not my type, what can I do?

We need to be flexible with our type and understand and honor the differences in type that may exist in others.

Take a look at this video regarding making your type more flexible.

I hope this helps.

The practice of being "flexible" with type is CRITICAL when you love someone, are dating someone who is really opposite of your type; and this is mostly what is going on in the dating world.

Which Type is the Best?

This is another most frequently asked question I got over the years.

None of them are the best. When compared to the others they are all the best.

The best is the one type that you are and that is the type you will always be.

Now having said that some certain types are better for certain situations. When you understand the instinctive nature of type preferences you will understand this better.

For example, my type is INFJ. That is not the best type necessarily when compared to the remaining 15 types. However, in some situations it may be better.

INFJ may be better in situations that require especially the dominant intuition and the secondary feeling behaviors to be used. That is so because when those functions are used the situation is performed better or most optimally.

What are those situations one may ask? There could be many of them but typically a work situation is easier to understand.

Counseling, minister, fine arts, psychology, social worker, education (typically higher ed) psychiatrist, librarian and others that normally call upon the most instinctively preferred functions of Intuition and Feeling more that Sensing and Thinking are some occupations where INFJ would be better, more naturally used than lets say ESTP.

Now, the ESTP could go into the above-mentioned occupations and in fact, they do; however, they will work harder, encounter more needless frustrations and setbacks in those occupations than the INFJ naturally would.

Also, the INFJ would have similar difficulty performing an ESTP like-occupation.

So in the sense of matching work behaviors to personality behaviors INFJ may be the better type for that occupation. This is also one of the reasons personality type is and can be used powerfully in career planning.

Each of the 16 types has situations, environments, and people that they may be "the best for" in a manner of speaking.

The challenge is to identify those situations and people ahead of time so that one can be prepared.

In terms of relationships and dating, using the above examples and the two types presented, INFJ and ESTP, they are NOT the best choice for long-term, naturally occurring congeniality based relationships. I mean here relationships that are easier to be in on every level.

Both are great types. They are not NATURALLY & INSTINCTIVELY compatible. This does not make them enemies, it does make them harder to be with, in the long run.

So, why do that?

If you can exercise a choice, why do that, why make it harder on yourself from the "get-go"? Why lay the groundwork for self-sabotaging a relationship?

That is the premise of using type to date with. You can date and form a relationship with any type you want and for any reason you want. All we are saying is that the more type-like you are with someone you are dating the more naturally better that relationship is likely to be.

I Feel Like I Have Two Types!

Many people feel this way. They feel they are one type at home and another type at work or in some other setting.

The reality is that people are one type. That type is set at birth.

However, we do many things in life and it is safe to say that most of them will put us in environments that are type-unlike our natural type.

You have 8 behaviors or functions that you use:
Extroversion, Introversion, Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perceiving.

However, you instinctively prefer only 4 of the 8.

The other 4 or non-preferred behaviors you have and use but they are not as accomplished in a natural and instinctive way.

Most of the time folks will feel more non-type like when they are at work. The work environment demands that more non-preferred behaviors are used in order to get the job done in the best way.

The repeated exercise of non-preferred behaviors is uncomfortable and sometimes absolutely intolerable. Which is one of the reasons folks will change jobs so frequently or burn-out and testify that they hate their work.

At least 70% of all the workers in the world do not like, even hate, what they do for a living. The reason is that they have entered into a work setting that requires them to use their non-preferred behaviors way too much. Why they chose the non-type like work is another subject and one that I was involved with for over 33yrs.

So folks will feel as if they are one personality type at work and a different personality type when not at work. Typically the non-work setting will be at home but may be in any behavioral environment that demands they use their instinctively preferred functions. In other words, the 4 of the 8 behaviors they are imprinted to prefer.

So, with a knowledge of type, it is possible to avoid environments that require too much use of non-preferred behaviors. At the very least with knowledge of type we can prepare for work or any activity that forces us to engage in non-preferred behaviors.

Where Does "Personality Type" Come From Anyway?!

We might also ask, "How is my personality type formed?"

Most of the time when this question is asked the results we get end up referring to Carl Jung and his theory of personality type which motivated Catherine Briggs and her daughter Isabell Briggs-Myers to create the Myers-Briggs personality indicator.

But I'm not talking about that. However, if you go to the link I'm going to give you, you will get a really great explanation of how your personality type, which is intact by the time you are born, develops, here is the link "The Personality Page".

However, as helpful as the explanation on "The Personality Page" is, that is not what I"m talking about.

How can your type be intact by the time you are born? I mean something is happening between the time you were conceived and the time you were born. Yes? Well is it biology, is it evolution, is it pure chance, what is it?

NO. None of that, Listen:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:13-16

God created your personality type within you.

You were imprinted by Him to instinctively prefer the behaviors you prefer. Think about that. You are supposed to be the type you are! Wow!

Now, for all the INFJs out there, including myself, that truth has confused me at times and stressed me at times and even depressed me until I see the beauty of INFJ and the rarity of that type.

It is truly all good. Whichever of the 16 types you are you are meant to be that particular type.

I have frequently said that your personality type is your asset of assets. I believe that knowing that God has purposely given you the personality type that you have increases the understanding and appreciation for how valuable your type is and that type is indeed your asset of assets.

So, consider taking the time to learn as much as you can about the personality type that God has created within you.

Use that knowledge to better understand the type of others and use that knowledge as the foundation of all your understanding of relationships.

If you are dating, date based upon personality type. You can do that easily and safely at typedates.com.

Will My Personality Type Change?

Well "no" is the short answer but it needs some explanation.

Your personality type is an instinctive "preference".  You are using all 8 behaviors on the Myers Briggs spectrum but instinctively preferring 4 of the 8.

You are using all of the preferences. This is the key to understanding that type does not change.

When you use non-preferred behaviors "too much", whatever "too much" is and means because it is different for everyone, then it begins to feel like your type is/has changed. Only because you are using non-preferred behaviors much more than before.

This might be like being right-handed but being forced by life to use your left hand very much more than before and it goes on and on and on. You will get used to your left hand and it will feel more comfortable in its use.

However, you did not become left-handed. In this example, you are still instinctively preferring the right hand.

Also, to confuse things a bit more, the older you get the more you have chances to use non-preferred behaviors. So aging also contributes to this idea that your type has changed. Again, it has not you are just getting used to using non-preferred behaviors more than before because as you live longer you have more opportunity to use the non-preferred behaviors in life.

I hope this is making sense to you because in my 33yrs of professional career advising and MBTI practicing this was one of the most frequently asked questions.

Please let me know if you have any questions regarding this topic or any other topic related to personality type.

Stop the Self-Sabotage!

So many people are performing "self-sabotage" when they date without using instinct.

Using instinct is knowing your personality type and looking for other types that are close to yours. Or at the very least, looking for types that you know something about whether they are close to your type or not and you want to meet them based on type knowledge first before using any other criteria.

Stop making things harder on yourself when it comes to dating and building relationships.

Check out the following quote:

"Many people dwell on the negative rather than the positive or create excuses for themselves in order to justify why they have not met all of their goals. In some cases, people will find it difficult to accomplish tasks because they are actually making things harder on themselves or are engaging in a form of self-sabotage. In order to stop making things harder for yourself, you have to be prepared to transform the way you approach your life. Learn to manage your time, acknowledge your weaknesses, and develop self-confidence."
Paul Chernyak, LPC

Personality type is an instinctive thing. It can be identified accurately and you can apply it easily in many areas of your life. Dating is one of them, a pretty important one in fact.

Date people you already know something about. The instinctive typing will not change. People can change many things about themselves but we can't change our Personality Type.

So when you are not using type as the main beginning criteria for dating you are using non-instinctive, may change, likely will change criteria for setting up that date. Why make things harder on yourself?

You increase your chances of having better dating experiences, meeting people who you have more in common with and developing more lasting relationships when you begin with personality type.

Typedates.com is being developed to help you do just that. Date based on personality type ala Myers-Briggs like information.
Registration is Free!