Remove the "Unknown" In Dating

Fear of the "unknown" in dating seems to be one of the more reported difficulties, fears surrounding dating.

Understandable. You don't really know what thay like, don't like, value, don't value. You don't really know the environments they like. You don't know their strengths. Don't know their weaknesses. 

When we date online or date period there is much we do not know as we go into the dating situation.

What if that could be radically reversed?

What if there was a way that would give you a strong idea, going into the date, before the very first date, of what they prefer on several levels.

What if you knew ahead of time how they speak, how they view the world around them, how they reason, how they prefer to manage their every waking moment, what if?

Wouldn't that kind of pre-knowledge reduce a great amount of the "unknown" about the date?

If you had a pretty good idea of what they value, what they like, what they fear, at least in general, wouldn't that provide a more positive expectation of what a date with them might be like?

Then if the prospect was more negative than positive, why date them to begin with?

Well, this kind of pre-knowledge is possible. I've been telling people about it for over 35 years now. What is it?

It is a knowledge of your instinctive personality type. 

When you now your type and even a modest understanding of what your type is about, and you know the personality type of the person you are considering dating, you have enough ammunition, enough pre-knowledge to reduce the "unknown" of dating significantly.

You will never know everything about them, or yourself for that matter, but you will know enough to go into the date if you choose to proceed, with the assurance that there won't be much that will negatively surprise you. You will be dating mostly what you want to date.

I've created a web site, an online dating site based upon personality type which can help you reduce the "unknown" factors in dating. 

typedates.com

Registration is free. The site is new so be patient as it grows. 

Do yourself a favor when you date. Identify and use as much as possible of what is and can be known about you and then define the solid, never changing attributes you would like in a relationship, then use personality type to help you find those people possessing those attributes. Try typedates.com.

"Fear" May Be the Largest Problem When Dating

Fear. 

So much of dating seems to revolve around "Fear". I think this is why dating can be so difficult especially for older folks, 30s 40s and up. They've been hurt. 

I recently researched some of the top reasons that cause dating difficulty. Most of the reasons can be placed under the category of "Fear".

"Being rejected; losing my independence; being lied to; hooking up with a sociopath; never finding my soul mate; being alone if I get it wrong; avoiding divorce; too much baggage".... and the list goes on and on. All related to "Fear" in some way.

So, how can we go about eliminating or radically reducing the "Fear" component involved with dating?

For starters and perhaps more profoundly come to realize that God does NOT give a spirit of fear. If that is true, and it is, then where does fear come from? That is a question for another post but for now, know that a closer relationship with God can drive out all fear.

What does God give related to this conversation? He gives a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.

Ahh, a sound mind. 

You have a solid foundation of personality type that can be used as one good tool for eliminating the fear associated with dating.

When you know your type this is like knowing yourself. You can make decisions based upon what you really like and don't like, what you want, and don't want in a person, in a relationship because you are deciding based upon INSTINCT, not a whim, not a cultural passing fancy, not superficial appearances. You are deciding based upon a KNOWN quantity, your individual nature, your personality type.

Personality type is an INSTINCTIVE preference for certain behaviors. Match the natural behaviors in your type with folks who have the same type or near the same type of behaviors and you are walking on safer ground. 

When you know what to expect fear can be reduced. Avoid those types who are more likely to behave in ways unlike your ways, who like more of the things, environments, settings, ideas that you do NOT like based upon your unchanging personality type. 

God has given you this ability this personality type. When you know your type you are using wisdom and understanding based upon INSTINCT. You are safer.

My mission has been to help connect people based upon personality type first and foremost. 

Typedates.com is an online dating site geared to help people connect based upon their never-changing personality type FIRST before anything else.

 

"Unable to Synergy With Each Other".

Recently I was searching on the question of what is the worst thing about dating. After reading many responses from various sources on that question it occurred to me that the vast majority of the responses could be categorized under the idea of a lack of synergy. In fact, one young lady responded that "Nowadays, the biggest challenge is that we are unable to synergy with each other." I was struck by that.

The dictionary defines synergy as "The interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc."

This speaks of a coming together with a meshing of things many things that match who you are. 

Some areas of synergy or matching that were spoken of as "worst about dating" included lack of commitment, education level, hygiene, spiritual background, kindness, confidence, lack of transparency, and many more. Some spoke of dating as being "clinical", "depressing" because one meets so many people who are really messed up. (paraphrasing there)

Another way of putting this is that people largely date those who are more unlike themselves than themselves. 

Once again, I was not surprised to hear this as it reinforces my contention that people who are more alike get along better more than people who are less alike. 

This is why I created Typedates.com as a way of giving people a dating tool that is based on instinctive realities not fly by night whims. 

Nothing is guaranteed in this life, nothing is perfect; however, when you date based upon instinctive sameness, which is matching personality type more rather than less with those you date FROM THE BEGINNING, you have a much stronger chance of having better dates rather than worse ones, of finding people you have a better chance of relating too positively rather than negatively. 

Personalty "synergy", if you will, is FACT. It has proved itself over and over again.

So, doesn't it make sense to give yourself the best chance of relationship success sooner rather than later?

Doesn't it make sense to be in control of your dating life rather than letting dating control you?

When you are picking those to date who MATCH your type more rather than less you are in control. The date may still not work out but you will likely have fewer bad dates because you are using personality type which promotes synergy to work for you ahead of time. It is very possible you will meet fewer people who are "messed" up (paraphrasing again) and meet more people you "naturally" enjoy because they are more like you than less like you at the core. 

I invite you, actually, I urge you to be good to yourself in your dating and date based upon personality type. Please consider using Typedates.com as the tool to use. It is a new niche dating site and needs time to grow but it will grow. Registration is free. Please register, spread the word and put dating "synergy" on your side.

INTJ-Looking For Love

INTJs have an idealized view of what their love life should be. Those that fit that view will find a strong and loyal partner.

The INTJ love vision is less romantic and more directed at what life should be. This is not to say the INTJ cannot be romantic, they can and it will take a logical form.

The INTJ will be looking for someone who understands that while the INTJ can be extremely loving and loyal this may not be expressed so much in words but more in deeds.

Loving an INTJ is to understand that "work" to them is not work in the standard sense. It is something they want to "like" or even "love" to do, it reaches the idealistic zone, and they are willing to search to find it. So to love the INTJ is to allow them to search.

To love the INTJ is to understand that while they can be outstanding following systems and procedures when those systems and procedures bore them or they view as no longer their own or serving them in a logical and visionary way the INTJ will rebel against them and find their own systems and procedures.

To love the INTJ is to also understand that they are usually not in tune with their own feelings let alone those of others. This is not to say they can not become attuned it will likely take more work on their part and more understanding on the part of the one loving them. If the partner of the INTJ is a "Feeler" this can become very difficult. Not impossible but difficult.

When it comes to romance and sex the INTJ will naturally "think" about that more than express it with behavior initially. Remember they are logical visionaries and they will envision sex and romance first.

To love the INTJ is to consider the following strengths & weaknesses and be ok with them:
Strengths:

• Good listeners
• Desire to perfect their relationships
• Not threatened by criticism or conflict
• Self-confident
• View commitments and relationships seriously
• Generally capable and intelligent
• Equipped to leave relationships which should be ended easily

Weaknesses:

• Normally not in tune with the feelings of others, indeed at times insensitive
• Tend to respond to conflict with logic & reason rather than emotion & feeling
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings & affections
• Tend to believe they are always correct
• Unwilling or unable to accept blame often
• Always looking to improve everything 
• Tend to keep part of themselves withdrawn

I Love Her/Him but she/he is not my type, what can I do?

We need to be flexible with our type and understand and honor the differences in type that may exist in others.

Take a look at this video regarding making your type more flexible.

I hope this helps.

The practice of being "flexible" with type is CRITICAL when you love someone, are dating someone who is really opposite of your type; and this is mostly what is going on in the dating world.

Which Type is the Best?

This is another most frequently asked question I got over the years.

None of them are the best. When compared to the others they are all the best.

The best is the one type that you are and that is the type you will always be.

Now having said that some certain types are better for certain situations. When you understand the instinctive nature of type preferences you will understand this better.

For example, my type is INFJ. That is not the best type necessarily when compared to the remaining 15 types. However, in some situations it may be better.

INFJ may be better in situations that require especially the dominant intuition and the secondary feeling behaviors to be used. That is so because when those functions are used the situation is performed better or most optimally.

What are those situations one may ask? There could be many of them but typically a work situation is easier to understand.

Counseling, minister, fine arts, psychology, social worker, education (typically higher ed) psychiatrist, librarian and others that normally call upon the most instinctively preferred functions of Intuition and Feeling more that Sensing and Thinking are some occupations where INFJ would be better, more naturally used than lets say ESTP.

Now, the ESTP could go into the above-mentioned occupations and in fact, they do; however, they will work harder, encounter more needless frustrations and setbacks in those occupations than the INFJ naturally would.

Also, the INFJ would have similar difficulty performing an ESTP like-occupation.

So in the sense of matching work behaviors to personality behaviors INFJ may be the better type for that occupation. This is also one of the reasons personality type is and can be used powerfully in career planning.

Each of the 16 types has situations, environments, and people that they may be "the best for" in a manner of speaking.

The challenge is to identify those situations and people ahead of time so that one can be prepared.

In terms of relationships and dating, using the above examples and the two types presented, INFJ and ESTP, they are NOT the best choice for long-term, naturally occurring congeniality based relationships. I mean here relationships that are easier to be in on every level.

Both are great types. They are not NATURALLY & INSTINCTIVELY compatible. This does not make them enemies, it does make them harder to be with, in the long run.

So, why do that?

If you can exercise a choice, why do that, why make it harder on yourself from the "get-go"? Why lay the groundwork for self-sabotaging a relationship?

That is the premise of using type to date with. You can date and form a relationship with any type you want and for any reason you want. All we are saying is that the more type-like you are with someone you are dating the more naturally better that relationship is likely to be.

I Feel Like I Have Two Types!

Many people feel this way. They feel they are one type at home and another type at work or in some other setting.

The reality is that people are one type. That type is set at birth.

However, we do many things in life and it is safe to say that most of them will put us in environments that are type-unlike our natural type.

You have 8 behaviors or functions that you use:
Extroversion, Introversion, Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perceiving.

However, you instinctively prefer only 4 of the 8.

The other 4 or non-preferred behaviors you have and use but they are not as accomplished in a natural and instinctive way.

Most of the time folks will feel more non-type like when they are at work. The work environment demands that more non-preferred behaviors are used in order to get the job done in the best way.

The repeated exercise of non-preferred behaviors is uncomfortable and sometimes absolutely intolerable. Which is one of the reasons folks will change jobs so frequently or burn-out and testify that they hate their work.

At least 70% of all the workers in the world do not like, even hate, what they do for a living. The reason is that they have entered into a work setting that requires them to use their non-preferred behaviors way too much. Why they chose the non-type like work is another subject and one that I was involved with for over 33yrs.

So folks will feel as if they are one personality type at work and a different personality type when not at work. Typically the non-work setting will be at home but may be in any behavioral environment that demands they use their instinctively preferred functions. In other words, the 4 of the 8 behaviors they are imprinted to prefer.

So, with a knowledge of type, it is possible to avoid environments that require too much use of non-preferred behaviors. At the very least with knowledge of type we can prepare for work or any activity that forces us to engage in non-preferred behaviors.